‘What’s the time?’
‘Huh?’ stumbled out of my mouth, my staring into nothingness interrupted.
‘What’s the time?’ she repeated.
I fumbled for my watch
‘Uhm, its… three…thirty’
‘Damn it! We have been waiting here for..what, 30 minutes!!’
I checked my watch again just to be sure. She was right, 30 minutes, waiting for the bus. Damn this public transport. You would think that after winning an exclusive monopoly of the system, the ‘Powers That Be’ would at least provide a faster bus service.
It was hot. Sweltering hot. It was so hot you could see the leaves melting off the trees.
And the bus stop provides no form of shelter whatsoever.
Sometimes I just wish that I did not have to endure this. This waiting. This anticipation of things to come. This bearing of the heat. Why can’t I just snap my fingers and the bus appears right in front of me. Why does time have to be such that every second ticks so slowly, agonizing the person who waits in patient anticipation, putting up with whatever pains while waiting. Pains like the heat, the cold… and people who just can’t seem to shut up.
‘What’s the time now? Its got to be at least 10 minutes since we last checked’ she whined
I looked at my watch again
‘Its only been five minutes…’
‘Five minutes!! Five minutes!!’ her tone increasing with each exasperated breath ‘Oh god!! Why does it feel so long!!’
And she continues to rant how the public transport in UK is perfect and flawless.
I look at her and filter out her words. Honestly speaking, if she’d shut up more often, she would be pretty hot. Though now she just looked hot and bothered. She had long dark auburn hair which she never seems to keep in place and always gets tossed about by the wind. Its quite cute the way she scrunches her button nose, which pushes her glasses up her bridge, in disgust at our current situation. Despite her obvious shortcomings, she has been my friend since as long as I can remember. I suppose I stick around because I enjoy her insights.
‘Hey Liz’
‘What?’ she turned, interrupted from her monologue, hair blowing into her face
‘I’m gonna close my eyes for a bit, wake me up when the bus comes’
‘Whatever man, deprive me of an audience why not…’
And I close my eyes and focus on achieving inner peace, listening to the non-existent birds and feeling the breeze of the non-existent wind.
God, how I wish that bus would hurry up.
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‘Hey, wake up sleepy head’
I opened my eyes
‘The bus is here man, come on’
I looked around and sure enough, the bus was there. That’s strange, I don’t remember falling asleep, but then again most people don’t remember falling asleep.
‘How long was I out?’ I asked her as we boarded the bus.
‘About 5 minutes’
Five minutes..hm.. didn’t feel like 5 minutes, it felt shorter than that. Oh well, then again, every night I sleep, 8 hours fly by like it was a few seconds.
The bus was crowded, as usual. Fat, short, young, old, brown, yellow, white and black all crammed together in the cramp confines of the passenger bus. I swear, as soon as I get enough money I will buy a car.
Somehow me and Liz managed to squeeze between this large sweaty man and a folded-up baby stroller.
The doors closed with a hiss and the bus jerked and hiccupped to life, sending most of its passengers rocking and swaying back and forth. Sometimes I wonder if none of the passengers held on to the bars and straps, what would happen. Would they all tumble forward or due to the sheer compression between passengers they wouldn’t fall but just merely bounce off each other.
‘This guy smells’ whispered Liz into my ear, gesturing to the fat guy next to us.
‘Hm, yeah, sure’
‘You’d think that he’d at least wear deodorant’
‘Well, at least he is soft and cushy, unlike this stiff rod poking at my thighs’ I said, pointing at the folded-up baby stroller stabbing at my legs.
Oh, the pains time makes us endure. I would have to put up with this for another 20 minutes before I got home. If there was any consolation, at least Liz does not talk much in huge, cramped crowds.
I looked in front of me. There was a young dude, about my age with a nose so red, Rudolph would feel challenged. He kept rubbing and blowing his nose incessantly, trying to scratch some itch far up his nose canal. And the worst part was he didn’t have a tissue with him.
Suddenly he looked up, mouth half open. Alarm bells and screams of ‘Thar She blows!!’ started sounding in my head. He looked around, probably looking for a place to release, his eyes darting back and forth. Then he caught my eyes. And he sneezed.
I closed my eyes, shielding the blast, thinking of what expletive I should use when I open them.
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I opened my eyes, he was gone. So was the fat guy and the baby stroller. And I was sitting down on the bus cushions.
‘….what point are the authorities trying to make if they want to control every little aspect of our lives….?’
Liz was in one of her long-winded speeches again.
‘Hey Liz, where are we?’
She looked at me, looking annoyed and said ‘I dunno, but we should be near our houses, haven’t you been listening to me?’
Ok, I never listen to Liz’s rants. I just usually stare at her and nod. But for the sake of maintaining our friendship, a little white lie every now and then does not hurt. Plus she has a black belt in karate and once this guy was cat-calling her, she walked up to him and took him down in three swift motions. The poor dude was crying for his mummy after that.
‘Sure, of course, I mean, screw the authorities, yeah, um, how long has it been since we got on the bus?’
‘About 20 minutes…are you ok?’ and she gave me that what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-you look by skewing her eyeballs at a certain angle. I’ve seen my mum do it countless times. Seems that only women are able to pull it off.
‘Yeah, im fine, its just that, it seems so fast’
‘Well, they say that time does fly faster when you are having fun…’ she looked at me and gave me that sweet girly smile, showing off her dimple on her right side.
Haha, fun, I thought to myself. The last time I found one of her rants to be fun was when she was ranting about how all teachers are ignorant idiots, back when we were in school, only to find that Mr. Tan was standing behind her the whole time.
‘What happened to that dude, in front of me..?’
‘You mean that guy who gave you a snot bath?’
‘Yeah, snot bath’
‘He got off shortly after I called him a disgusting SOB’
‘You what?’
‘Yeah I did, some one had to stick up for you since you were too busy trying to wipe your face on my shirt’
‘I was??’
‘Well, ok, not wipe, dab maybe’
‘When did we sit down?’
She gave me that look again. ‘About five minutes ago… don’t you remember?’
‘I guess not, hm, wonder why?’
‘Its probably the combination of the unbearable heat and the mucus from Rudolph’s nose’ and she chuckled away.
The bus stopped and we got off. As we walked back home, I kept trying to figure out how I could have lost track of 20 minutes of my life. 20 minutes…. Hmmmm….
Liz’s house is right across from mine. We have been neighbours as long as we have been friends. I bid her goodbye and sort of promised to see her again the next morning.
I entered my house and bid my usual greetings of peace.
‘..and peace on you too’ replied my mum as she was chopping away in the kitchen
‘What’s for dinner?’ I asked
‘Well, my day was fine, thanks for asking, how about you?’
Crap. She had me.
‘Fine, how was your day mummy dearest?’
‘It was enjoyable… that is if you find putting up with hundreds of screaming 4 year olds running all over you enjoyable’
Mum runs and owns a local kindergarten. She has been since dad left when I was 5. According to her, he wanted to take a second wife. She refused and asked for a divorce. Apparently dad gladly did so. I’ve never heard from him ever since.
‘I’m sorry, I should have been there to help you out, what with all the other teachers on leave for Raya and what’
‘You damned well better be! We are opening a new branch in Subang soon and I want you to help manage it, so you better get your experience in order young man!’
‘Alright, point taken. Anyways, I’ve registered for the next semester in college’
‘With Liz?’
‘Yes, with Liz’
‘She is a nice girl’
‘Yes she is’
There was a long, uneasy pause as I poured myself a drink
‘Never had feelings for her?’
‘Ok, you know what, we are not having this conversation again’ and I busied myself with drinking the water.
‘ Excuse me,’ slightly raising her voice, ‘I think I deserve to know if I am going to have Chinese grandchildren’ as she faced me, kitchen knife in hand.
‘She is half Chinese actually…’
‘Whatever’
‘Trust me, if I ever, God forbid, have feelings for Liz, you will be the first to know’ and I kissed her on the cheek, avoiding the sharp end of the knife.
I took a bath, cleaned myself up, scrubbing all that snot away. As I helped mum out in the kitchen I told her about my day and how I lost 20 minutes of my life.
‘You mean, you totally forgot what happened in those 20 minutes?’
‘Yeah, I did, though I don’t know how…’
‘Probably you are losing it, your mind, eat Gingko Biloba, its supposed to help your memory’
‘That’s the thing mum, I just keep forgetting to eat it’ and I grinned at her
‘Haha funny, here, gut this fish’ as she tossed me the ugliest looking fish I have ever seen. Poor thing, what a way to end its life, being gutted on a kitchen table.
The rest of the night was pretty uneventful. We ate, I cleaned the dishes, and she watched her favourite soaps. I decided to call it an early night, give my mind a break. Hopefully I won’t be losing anymore chunks of time tomorrow.
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I woke up the next morning to find myself in my sarong, standing on my prayer mat, performing my morning prayers.
Which is strange, considering I don’t remember crawling out of bed, bathing and taking my wudu’, ablution, whatever you call it. But then again, abluting (is that even a word?) has become such a habit that sometimes I don’t even remember doing it.
Yet I still felt strange.
I came out of my prayers and decided to ablute (???) again. As I recited my prayers and began washing my face, I closed my eyes.
When I opened them, instead of staring at my wet face in the mirror, I was staring at the head of my prayer mat, standing in my prayer position.
Now things were starting to get pretty weird. My hands and feet were wet from ablution, yet I do not remember washing them. I decided to not let it bother me and I finished my prayers as usual.
I bathed again, that is assuming, that I even bathed at all this morning, not that I can remember anyway. I took care not to close my eyes, just in case I might open them in a different time zone. But somehow, soap got into my eyes and I had to blink involuntarily.
Upon opening my eyes, I was fully dressed and waiting at the door, bag in hand. Yet I do not remember dressing and packing my bags.
‘Oh, you are ready, ok, give me a moment, I’ll be ready’ said mum as she ran off in her towel
Mum would never let me drive even though I have a license. She told me to wait until my probation period was over. So because of that she had to send me to college every morning.
I stared at my clothes and bags, bewildered. I began mentally calculating how long it should have taken for me to finish bathing, put my clothes on and pack my bags. It should have taken at least 10 minutes…
To think that yesterday I lost 20 minutes of my life…and now today I have lost about 10 minutes of it…
I closed my eyes and tried to remember all of what happened, yet I couldn’t, its like I never experienced it at all.
I opened my eyes.
‘..well, aren’t you going to get off?’
‘What?’
‘Get off lah, we’re at your college already’
I looked around, we were at my college. When did I get into the car? Trying not to think too much about it, I opened the car door.
‘Aren’t you forgetting something?’
‘Oh, right’ I leaned towards mum, kissed her on the cheek ‘Love you’
‘Love you too, say hi to your girlfriend ok!’
‘She’s not my…ugh… whatever’ knowing full well who she was referring to, I bid her peace and got out of the car.
As I walked to class I made a conscious effort not to close my eyes, just in case. I began pondering what could have caused this, and what triggers these time lapses. It seems that everytime I close my eyes, when I open them, I’m in a different time in the future. So it seems that it is triggered by the opening and closing of my eyes. Then what happens when I blink? Do I jump forward in time? Considering that the average human blinks about 300 times a day, does that mean I lose about 300 seconds a day? Or 300 minutes? Or if each blink made me lose 10 or 20 minutes, do I lose 3000 minutes a day? What if I lost an hour with each blink?
Too many questions began pouring into my mind. The next thing I know I was at my class doors. I wonder if that was the result of me blinking…
The class had already started by the time I got in. Fortunately Liz had saved me a seat next to hers. Hurray. Now she’ll have an audience.
‘Ol’ Baldy has been droning on and on about jurisprudence and what not’ she said, referring to Mr. Felix, our law lecturer.
I decided that I would avoid the shiny glare of his bald head, just in case it makes me blink.
‘Which page is he on now?’ I asked, trying to catch up with the class
‘Page 203, he’s continuing what we did last semester. Wanna borrow my notes?’
‘Sure’ I took a look at Liz’s notes. Impeccable, clean writing, finesse only present in the writings of a female.
I took out my own notes and I began copying what I missed in my usual, illegible shorthand. I once bragged how I developed my shorthand from various techniques used by the CIA and other intelligence agencies. In reality, I just had terrible handwriting.
Baldy was still reading from his textbook out loud to the class. As if we couldn’t read it on our own. He is as boring as lecturers get. He seems to have this air of aloofness about him, oblivious to the world around him. A more alert lecturer would be able to tell if his or her students were falling asleep in class. Baldy however has been known to continue lecturing, ignoring the entire front row who have fallen asleep under his ‘spell’.
I remember how once I noticed how he liked to lean against the edge of his teacher’s desk. I decided to play a prank on him. I took some correction fluid and practically painted the edge of his table with it while he stood there, nose buried in his textbook, lecturing to the class. He never noticed me at all. Sure enough, he leaned against the table. The entire class tried to stifle their laughter. As he got up he turned around to face the whiteboard, showing off a single white streak across his backside to the class. The entire class broke out in laughter. He turned around, looked at the class, tipped his glasses down and asked. ‘What’s so funny?’
Now I was beginning to feel like Ol’ Baldy. Not knowing what is going on around me, feeling blur in ever sense. Perhaps its God’s way of punishing me for being mean to him, Baldy I mean.
After copying her notes, I passed them back to her.
‘He is going to go on like this forever right?’ I asked Liz
‘Sure is, wanna hear a story?’
‘Anything is better than this’
So Liz began telling me a story about how her cat caught a bird and the mess she had to clean up..bla..bla..bla. I decided that I could put my blinking to good use and closed my eyes, wishing that the class and Liz’s rant would be over, not knowing what would happen if I opened them, but if my guess is right, I should be some moments into the future.
I closed my eyes
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And I opened them.
Sure enough, the class was over, two hours had passed and they were quite literally, just a blink to me. Me and Liz were walking out of the college already.
‘Hey, yoohoo, hello..?’ Liz snapped her fingers in my face
‘What?’
‘I asked you, what do you think if I wore my hair short?’
‘Oh, that, uhm, yeah, you’d look great’
‘You’re lying! Some honesty please’
‘Ok, ok, now your hair is long, I like the way it blows in the wind, however, if you do want to cut your hair short, perhaps you could keep it at shoulder length, allowing for it to fall lazily on your shoulders, giving you that sense of elegance which you are trying so hard to achieve’
‘Thank you my dear’ she replied curtly
I decided to put my blinking to the test. I marked the red stop sign which was about ten metres in front of me. I blinked once, short blinks of course.
All of a sudden the sign was right there, in front of my nose.
‘Hey, watch out!’ yelled Liz as she pulled me away ‘You gotta be more careful where you are going’
‘Hey Liz, I gotta tell you something’
‘What?’ she said, giving me that look.
‘Not now, lets go home first’
A strong wind blew into my face and I had to close my eyes, involuntarily
When I opened them we were both sitting on the train, heading back home.
‘What happened?’ I asked her
‘We got on the train, duh’
‘From college?’
‘Yeah, but we stopped to buy some drinks first’ gesturing at the Coke can she was holding and the sprite can in my hand.
‘Oh, yeah… right, of course’
‘You don’t remember any of it?’
‘Um, that’s the thing, I do, but…’
Suddenly the lady in front of us swung her purse into my face, blinding me temporarily.
When I opened my eyes I was sitting at Liz’s house, facing her across the table.
‘We’re at your place..’ I mumbled to myself
‘No… we are at the Taj Mahal… what do you think!?’
‘I’m sorry, of course we are at your place’
‘Ok, so what is this thing you wanted to tell me?’
I took a deep breath and tried not to blink or close my eyes.
‘Ok, its like this, I seem to be losing chunks of time’
‘Chunks of time?’
‘Well, not chunks, more like minutes, hours, or seconds of time’
‘How?’
‘I’m not sure but I think its related to blinking’
‘Blinking?’
‘Yes, blinking. It seems that each time I close and open my eyes, I jump forward in time, with no memory of what happened from the point I closed them, to the point I open them’
‘Since when?’
‘Since yesterday… I think’
‘Dude, that’s freaky, is that why you’ve been so weird lately?’
‘Yes’
‘So each blink, how far forward does it send you?’
‘I’m not sure because it seems to vary each time. Sometimes I lose 5 seconds or 10 minutes, sometimes 30, just now I lost 2 hours’
‘2 hours? When? In class?’
‘Yeah, in class’
‘So you are telling me that you just blinked while Ol’ Baldy was talking and the next thing you know, class is over?’
‘Pretty much that’
‘Hmm, lucky you, not having to put up with his droning. So can you control it? This blinking?’
‘Its difficult not to blink, heck, I don’t even know for sure how many times I’ve jumped forward today. I don’t keep track of my blinks you know…’
‘No, I mean can you control the amount of time you jump forward?’
‘I think so. It seems if I focus on a particular point in the future, each time I blink, my conscious is transported to that point. Like in class, I focused on the end of the class, then I blinked and the class was over and while we were walking back, remember how I almost banged into that sign?’
‘Yeah, I had to yank you away’
‘Yeah, thanks by the way. I focused on arriving at that sign, I blinked and sure enough, I was there’
‘So if you know for certain what would be happening in the future, you can focus on that particular point in the future and blink to it?’
‘Yeah, I think so. Problem is that the future is uncertain and I can’t control my blinks’
‘Lets test it, shall we?’
‘Um, ok, how?’
‘Ok, I’m gonna get some drinks and I will be back here in about 10 minutes. So why don’t you try focusing 10 minutes into the future, when I arrive with the drinks, blink and see what happens’
‘What if I blink too far forward?’
‘Can’t you blink backwards?’
‘I don’t think so… it’d be even more freaky if I could’
‘Well, that’s a risk you have to take I guess’
Liz left the table for the drinks and I closed my eyes, focusing on 10 minutes into the future, imagining the drinks on the table.
When I opened my eyes, there was Liz, and the drinks with the Television blaring in the background.
‘Ok, the drinks are here, you are here, its still the same day right?’ I asked
‘Yeah, it’s the 21st of March, 2007’
‘Ok, so it worked’
‘Yeah, I guess’
‘Who switched on the television?’
‘What do you mean who switched it on?’ and she gave me that look.
‘Did you?’
‘No, you did!’
‘I did? But I don’t remember’
‘I saw you pick up the remote, switch on the TV and change the channel to MTV’
‘Hmm, that’s strange…’
‘What, that you don’t remember?’
‘No, that I’d switch it to MTV…’
‘Huh?’
‘I mean, yeah, its like a different consciousness took over me between the time I closed my eyes and when I opened them. A conscious state which I seem to have no memory of’
‘I think you need a psychiatrist’
‘Like I can afford it?’
‘Hey, I’m just saying…’ and she shrugged her shoulders
This was utterly disconcerting. The fact that I am possessed by some unknown being who takes control of my body each time I blink is severely disturbing. I began to get the chills, knowing that the next time I blink, I will lose control of my body and God knows what this invader will do with my body.
‘I need some tape’ I told Liz
‘Whatever for?’
‘Just gimme some tape’
‘Alright, going already’
Liz passed me the tape and I opened my eyes as wide a possible.
‘Can you help me?’ I asked her
‘Do what?’
‘Peel back my eyelids and tape them to my forehead’
‘What??!!’
‘Just do it, please!’
‘You are nuts’
‘Just do it, damn it!!’ as I raised my voice, something which I do not often do
Realising how serious I was, she peeled my eyelids back and taped them to my forehead.
‘Ok, I should be able to stop blinking now’ I felt my eyelids twitch involuntarily
‘Dude you look twice as ugly then usual’
‘How flattering, now if you don’t mind, I have to get home for dinner’
I got up, glanced in the mirror. Damn I look ugly. And I went home.
It was the most uncomfortable 5 minutes walk back home. My eyes were open and exposed to the chilling wind. My eyelids would not stop twitching. My eyes began to get watery. I readjusted the tape, just to ensure that they kept my eyelids in place.
I opened the door with my keys and bid peace.
‘..and peace on…what the hell is that!!??’
‘Look mum, I can explain..’
‘Just how are you going to explain duct tape over your eyelids? My God, you look like a corpse!!’
‘Well, you see, I have to prevent myself from blinking, because if I blink, I lose chunks of time and I get possessed by some unknown entity’
‘Uhuh’ she nodded
‘yeah, uhuh’
‘Bullshit’
‘Bullshit?’
‘Yes, Bullshit’
It happened so fast. She took a few steps and shot her right arm out. I managed to block it. However I didn’t see her left arm hooking over, ripping off both tapes in one single fluid motion.
It hurt.
And I blinked.
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I opened my eyes to see Liz sitting across the table from me.
‘Crap’ I muttered
‘Crap? What is wrong with you?’
‘I blinked out again’
‘You what?’
‘Blinked out, don’t you remember?’
‘Uhm, yeah vaguely, I thought you got over it like ages ago’ and she gave me that look.
‘Where are we?’ I looked around, I could tell we were in a mall, in Starbucks to be more precise… Starbucks? What the… I hate Starbucks!! I don’t believe in paying 10 bucks for coffee that I can get for 1.50 at the local coffeeshops.
I looked back at Liz, and I noticed she looked different. She was wearing a headscarf and long sleeves. That’s strange, when did she start dressing that way? As far as I can remember, Liz preferred her hair unbound and her T-shirts short and tight.
‘Gee Liz, since when did you opt for the ‘alimah’ get-up’ I said, gesturing to her clothes
She gave me that look ‘about a year…are you alright?’
A year?? A year?? Oh my God!! I blinked out an entire year…or more…
As far as I can remember, well, Liz was Muslim.. I mean.. kinda ‘Muslim’… the type who doesn’t really care much for dress codes and rituals and such.. and yet here she is, all covered up…. Weird…
‘Why cover up?’
‘Are you testing me or something?’
I decided to play along. ‘Sure, of course I am’
‘Well, ok, because as a Muslimah, I believe that it is proper that I should dress as such’
‘Honestly?’
‘Ok, fine, the accident made me think more about spirituality and God and stuff, so I started researching religions, including Islam’
‘Accident?’
‘Yeah, the highway pile up that killed my parents, we barely survived, me and my brother, your mum took us in, and cared for us because none of my relatives would…. Should I go on..?’
She looked genuinely upset, her eyes were welling up, getting quite red.
‘No, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize… uhm you still haven’t explained the get-up…’
She dabbed her eyes with a napkin ‘Well, apart from the research, I got a fiancée who oh so carefully hinted that I should cover up… so I guess that influenced my decision as well’ and she gave me that look.
‘No way!! You serious?? A fiancée?’
I began wondering which poor sap ended up with miss motormouth here.
‘Yeah, I’m serious, what’s wrong with you?’
‘Who is the unlucky guy?’ I asked
‘What?!!’
‘What’s his name? C’mon, I’m your friend, you can tell me. Do I know him?’
‘You can’t be serious…’
‘Of course I’m serious’ I laughed
‘You know what, I’m not going to answer that question. What is up with you today?’
Then she lifted her coffee cup to her mouth. And I noticed something shining on her finger. It was a ring, my mother’s wedding ring to be exact. Then it hit me.
But I had to check first.
‘Did I give you that ring?’
‘Yes, who else would have?’ she replied
Hell no…
I’m her fiancée!!
I wonder if mum had something to do with this…
I recollected my thoughts and I tried really hard to remember when we started dating as a couple, when I proposed to her, when I professed my undying love for her.
This is not fair. It isn’t. Why don’t I get to choose who I want to be with? Why is it every time I blink out, I have no memory of what happens. Or maybe its not even me. Maybe ‘me’ gets put in some temporary stasis something while some other dude lives MY life in MY body until I regain consciousness.
And why Liz?
I looked at her. Yeah, she is still kinda hot. And that dimple is quite cute. But she just can’t keep her mouth shut… obviously this other consciousness of mine had no taste!
I looked at her again, trying to think what I, I mean he, who ever he is, could have seen in her. Maybe it’s the whole ‘living together under the same roof’ which brought us together. And the fact that her parents died and she needed a shoulder to cry on. I guess I would have fallen in love with her eventually.
Time to play along.
‘Look.. uhm..honey, I’m sorry I put you through all that, its just that our anniversary is coming up soon’
‘Hm, glad you remembered that. Its next week, 5th of July. Just in case you blink out or whatever it is that you do’
Phewh, safe guess
‘Yeah, 5th of July, can’t forget that. Most important date in my life’
What year I wonder, but I decided not to ask, she seems quite pissed off as it is.
‘Come on, I’ve done all my shopping, lets go home’ and she got up. ‘I parked the car over there, here, you drive’ she tossed me the keys.
Drive? Crap, I haven’t driven in ages…
I got in the car, put the keys in the ignition, turned them and hoped and prayed to God that the engine would start.
It purred to life.
Liz got in beside me.
Fortunately I have been to this mall before, before I blinked out and I vaguely remember the way home. I buckled up and gently reversed the car out, checking to make sure no cars will blindside my tail.
I got on the main road and tried to adhere as much as possible to the speed limits, careful not to make a mistake. Thank God the transmission was automatic.
‘Why are you driving so slow?’
‘Speed limits’ I replied
‘Like that has ever stopped you before’
Ok, apparently not. I decided to be a bit more liberal with the pedal.
Eventually we got home. My home that is. It seems that Liz’s old home has been sold off since.
‘So you are blinking out again?’ She asked as we got out of the car
‘Well, yeah’
‘The last time that happened was two years ago, you scared the crap out of me’
‘Yeah, I guess I did, I’m sorry’
‘Nevermind, that was long ago. So you don’t remember what happened these past few years?’
‘No, not really’
‘You don’t remember holding my hand, giving me support and comfort when I needed it the most?’
‘Well, maybe I can… vaguely…’
‘Do you remember our first kiss..?’
Kiss? We Kissed? No way!! But considering that she is my fiancée now, weirder things could have happened.
‘I’m sorry I…’
She stepped forward and pulled my head down towards hers.
‘Remember this..’
Her lips met mine, and parted slightly, drawing me closer towards her. In the heat of the moment, I did the same, circling my arms around her waist. I could feel my tongue touching the tip of her teeth, and then her tongue as well. I closed my eyes as I savoured the flavour of her breath, it tasted of coffee and…char kuay teow… yummy.. eheh.
We locked lips like…forever.
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And then I opened my eyes.
Liz drew her lips away from mine.
I looked around, we were in a dark room, it looked like a hotel. On the bed. She was hovering over me, her auburn hair falling over her eyes.
‘Yuck, I told you not to have durian before bed, I’m gonna go wash my mouth’ and she jumped out of bed, naked.
I peeked under the covers.
I was naked too.
Alright, what is going on…?
I found my boxers and slipped them on. And I followed her to the bathroom.
She was brushing her teeth.
‘What happened?’ I asked
‘Uhm, we made love..’ she replied, mouth full of toothpaste
I looked at her. Obviously she had no problem being naked in front of me.
‘What?’
‘Made love, had sex , procreate.. I can be more vulgar if you want…’
‘Why would we have sex?’ I asked, confused
She gave me that look ‘Because that’s what married people do, they have sex and hope that they get or don’t get babies’
‘We’re married?’
‘Yeah, we are, since last week, I know, I kinda can’t believe it myself’
‘Ok,’ You have no idea…
We are married. Yet I have no prior memory of the marriage. Or the ceremonies, or my swearing in front of several witnesses that I would care and provide for her till death… or divorce do us part…
‘Where are we now?’
‘Paris. In a hotel. You wanted to come here remember?’
‘For our honeymoon?’
‘Yeah, our honeymoon’ and she continued brushing her teeth ‘I can’t believe I let you eat that durian. Heck, I can’t believe I even let you bring that durian’
We had sex and yet I can’t even remember it. ARGH! To think that I had to blink in right after we did it. My other conscious must be having a good time. Kissing my wife, sleeping with her. Or is she even MY wife, maybe its his wife. After all, I don’t remember proposing or marrying her or making love to her. Maybe I’m the foreigner living certain portions of his life. Or maybe i’m schizo or something…
‘Was this your first time?’ I asked her
‘Was it that obvious?’ and she gargled.
‘Um, no. I think it was great’
‘Cool, was it your first?’
Well, I don’t remember having sex ever before but my other conscious could have slept with a few girls…or even guys before.
‘Yea, its my first time’ I think…
‘Ok’
I stared at her naked behind. Damn, she IS hot. Maybe she has been working out these past few years. Gone to the gym or something. Felt kind of frustrated that I didn’t get to enjoy my ‘intimate’ time with her. But then again, maybe I still can.
‘Wanna go for seconds’ I asked, grabbing her behind. It felt weird. Good weird though.
‘Ok, on one condition’
‘Name it’
‘Brush your teeth and gargle your mouth’
‘That’s two things’
‘Well, if you want seconds, you gotta show that you want it’ and she walked off ‘I’ll be waiting’.
I looked at myself in the mirror. I have facial hair now. Got a sexy stubble growing along the sides of my face. Seems like I, I mean, he, or whoever, have been working out. I checked out my well-toned abs. Not bad… Not that I ever remember working out… but…not bad… I grabbed the nearest toothbrush and started brushing like I’ve never brushed before. And I gargled.
I got out of the bathroom, dropped my boxers, slipped under the covers and whispered in her ears.
‘Would madame like her seconds?’
We made love several times that night. It seemed nothing like what I imagined. It was far more… magical. There was a certain something to making love to the person you love. Its different from anything I have ever imagined. It was beyond all the porno I watched and the erotic stories I used to read. Nothing could ever describe how I felt that night.
Then we both lay, exhausted. I closed my eyes and fell asleep.
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And then I opened my eyes.
I was in a convenience store. Cans and packages of food, and snacks were strewn all over the place.
‘Don’t hurt me!!’ cried a rather round looking man behind the counter.
I looked around, as I usually do each time I blink out. There were three people crouched in the corner, huddled together with hands over their heads.
‘What’s going on here?’ I asked out loud
‘Here, take the cash, please don’t shoot me!!’ pleaded the round man.
‘Why would I want to…’ then I noticed the gun in my hand.
Crap.
What’s going on? I looked around, searching for a clue. I saw a newspaper lying on the floor. I picked it up and saw the date. 12th November 2021. I began to wonder how far forward I have jumped since that night with Liz in Paris. I saw the headlines.
‘Financial Crisis plunges several into unemployment and desperation’
I looked at the headlines, and I looked at my gun. It didn’t take long for me to figure out what was going on. I was holding up a convenience store. I began to wonder what drove my other conscious to do this.
‘Ok people, calm down, I’m putting the gun down’ I slowly crouched down on the floor, and I put my gun down. ‘See, I’m not a bad man, I don’t need your money sir, you can put that cash drawer away’
I got up and kicked my gun away. ‘See, everything is fi..’
Then I got tackled from the back, my face pinned against the ground. I had to close my eyes in submission.
‘Police! You are under arrested for armed robbery’
It just keeps getting better and better.
I opened my eyes to find myself before a judge in a courtroom.
‘How does your client plead Mr. Ali?’
I turned to my left to find a smartly dressed young man standing up, talking on my behalf.
‘Not Guilty Yang Arif’
‘Several eyewitnesses can confirm that he was at the scene of the crime, with the gun in his hand’ What say you Mr. Ali?
Apparently this was my trial. Seems that I didn’t blink too far forward this time. Though I wish I could have blinked to a better time. I looked at Mr. Ali. He looked quite young, probably in his early 20’s. A fresh graduate out to prove his mettle, using pro-bono criminal cases to make his name.
He seemed inexperienced. I tried to recall my previous law lessons. Damn, I wish I had paid more attention in Mr. Felix’s classes.
He shuffled when he talked, his fingers twitched, he mumbled his words. He was the epitome of non-confidence. And he would be representing me.
I decided to stand up and speak out ‘Yang Arif, if you don’t mind, I wish to represent myself’ praying hard that my guess would be right.
‘Well, if you wanted to do so you should have informed us earlier, judging from your past records you were and excellent public prosecuter, although I’m sure you know how the saying goes, ‘A man who represents himself has a fool for a client and an idiot for a lawyer’ replied the Judge
Yes, my guess was right, I am… or was a Lawyer. ‘Yang Arif, I am well aware of the ramifications however I feel Mr. Ali is not fit to represent me’
‘What? I thought that we had an agreement?’ Cried Ali out loud
‘Objection’ shouted the prosecutor
‘Silence!’ Shouted the judge. ‘On what grounds do you reject Mr.Ali as your counsel?’
‘On grounds of incompetence’ I stated clearly
‘I’m incompetent?!’ Shouted Ali ‘At least I didn’t point a gun at five people’
‘Silence in the court!’ Yelled the judge ‘Incompetent on what basis?’
‘On the basis of his lack of confidence’
‘Excuse me?’ cried an exasperated Ali.
‘I’m sorry but I will not allow a lawyer to be labeled incompetent on the basis of lack of confidence. I have never done it before and I will not start today. May we begin the proceedings?’
This was not good, not good at all. If this nervous wreck represents me, I am bound to be locked up for life. I had to think fast, I had to do something. I did not want to blink out because chances are that I might blink into a prison cell. I scanned the courthouse, I noticed that there was only one bailiff and a few people. I saw Liz, and my mother. They both look older. I must have grown older too I guess. They looked sad.
So it was with a heavy heart that I grabbed the pitcher of water in front of me and smashed it over Ali’s head. I managed to knock out the bailiff by tossing Ali’s law textbook at his head. I rushed for the door.
I was almost there when suddenly a sharp pain shot up my left knee. I fell to the ground. I looked up and saw Liz staring down at me, with her foot on my left knee.
She was crying while she was saying this ‘I’m sorry, but I can’t let you destroy yourself like this’
And she punched my lights out.
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When I opened my eyes I found myself on a couch. A psychiatrist’s couch to be more exact.
Come to think of it, perhaps I should have seen a psychiatrist sooner.
‘Where am I’ I asked
‘You are in the Serenity Centre’ replied the psychiatrist ‘We just opened, you should feel honoured that you are one of our first patients’
‘Yeah, sure, uhm, why am I in straps?’ as I tugged at the straps.
‘Just a temporary precaution, you did have a rather violent history’
History? My violent history? I felt like screaming out loud that it wasn’t my history. My history only consists of various blinks and short bursts of time.
‘My name is Dr. Arun, and I will be your friend for the rest of your stay here’ and he smiled that cold professional smile at me.
‘How did I get here?’ I asked
‘Well, just to refresh your memory my friend, after your little outburst in the courtroom, you were locked up for a while. Fortunately your wife…’
‘Liz’
‘Yes, Liz, your wife bailed you out and represented you for your next proceedings’
‘She is a lawyer?’
‘Yes, she is… I’m surprised you didn’t know that’
‘Um, of course I do’
‘Well, ok then, anyway she represented you in the criminal court, a fairly big leap to make for a family court lawyer, heheh, and together you pleaded insanity’
‘Did it work?’
‘Well, you are now in Serenity Centre, the country’s newest most up-to-date mental rehabilitation facility’
‘I’m in a nuthouse’ I asked
‘Nuthouse is such a crude word, I prefer the term ‘relaxation point’’
‘Crap’
‘Now, now my friend, no need for such harsh words. We here at Serenity believe that peace comes from within’ He held his hand to my chest and smiled that creepy smile.
‘Hey, doc….’
‘Call me Arun…’
‘Ok, whatever, Arun, how long do you think I’m gonna be in here?’
‘Oh, hmm, good question, I’m not sure really, that depends on how you respond to our positive treatment’ as he puffed his cheeks and stared at the ceiling.
‘Ok, I mean on average, how long does it take usually?’
‘Well, assuming you are on excellent behaviour and comply with all our regulations…. It should be a very short 3 years’
‘3 years eh, doc?’
‘Arun’
‘Uhm , yeah, Arun, 3 years right?’
‘Yup, on your best behaviour of course’
‘Don’t mind if I close my eye for a bit Arun?’
‘Sure, whatever makes you comfortable my friend’
I closed my eyes and focused hard. I pictured myself, 3 years from now, tasting the fresh air, basking in the Sun’s glorious radiance, giving my thanks to God for guiding me through this ordeal. I pictured myself as the perfect patient. Complying with all regulations and being of utmost politeness. And I focused, and I visualized.
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And I opened my eyes.
The strong smell of coconut oil pricked my nose.
‘I will miss you my friend’ said Arun, as he squeezed me harder in his bear hug
‘I’ll miss you too Arun’ returning the hug
‘Well, your family is waiting for you outside. You should go see them’
Arun walked me outside. And I tasted the fresh air and basked in the Sun’s radiance. I thanked God for his grace.
I saw… my family… even if most of my memories with them are with my other conscious.
There were two kids. Half-Chinese. I wonder what mum said when they were born.
One boy, about fourteen and a girl, sixteen.
I saw my brother in-law. Smiling at me.
And my wife. My wife. My Liz.
All this time. All these lost memories. Yet she stood by me all these years.
Sometimes I wonder if I deserve her…
I walked towards them. I hugged my children. I hugged my brother in-law. I hugged my wife.
‘Hey Liz’
‘Yeah’
‘What time is it?’
‘three thirty’
‘Have I ever told you that I love you?’
‘You have, but chances are you forgot…’ she looked at me and smiled.
‘I love you’
‘I love you too’
I looked around and waved Arun goodbye. Not that I remembered a single friendly moment with him.
‘Where is mum?’
‘She passed away. When you were in there’ She gestured to the centre
What is that feeling. That feeling that hits you when someone you love dies. Sorrow? Frustration? Guilt? Depression? Or maybe it’s a wicked cocktail of all of them, with a dash of sadness to top it off.
‘How..’ as I tried to hold back my tears
‘The cancer got to her before you got out. I’m sorry’
I couldn’t even see my own mother off. The woman who raised me and cared for me. The one bond which I could never imagine being severed. She is gone. Forever. And I can’t just blink back to the past to see her one last time.
And the tears came.
‘I want to see her grave’
My brother in-law drove us to the graveyard. On the way there I figured out that my kids were called Sam and Ain respectively by listening to what Liz called them. Saved myself that embarrassment, phewh.
We arrived at her grave. I crouched before it. And said my prayers. And prayed that God gave her her rightful place in Heaven.
We got back home. It was a different house. In a different neighbourhood. My brother-in-law drove off, returning to his family. As we entered the house, I tried my best to act normal, to not act surprised at all these new additions to my life.
‘Three years is a long time’ said Liz
‘Not as long as you would imagine though. But yeah, a lot of things have changed’
‘Yeah, they have. But not everything has changed’
She leaned forward and kissed me.
And I closed my eyes
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And the memories all came flooding back to me.
Like a slideshow, they flashed before my eyes. All those lost memories. All the time I lost. From the moment I closed my eyes at that bus-stop, to that dude sneezing on me. I remembered Liz and all her long-winded rants and her gutsy attitude.
I remembered completing our studies. Celebrating together. Then there was the accident. I remembered how heart broken she was. I remembered how devastated she was when her other relatives turned her and her brother away. I remember my mother taking them in. Even though we barely had enough to hold a roof over our head.
I remembered falling in love with Liz, seeing her beyond her senseless rants and monologues. I remembered her questions about Islam, and how I tried to teach her what little I knew. I remembered our wedding and its simplicity because that was all we could afford but what mattered the most was that we had each other.
I watched as she grew and matured from friend, to lover, to wife, to mother. I saw my children being born, I remembered myself naming our daughter. And Liz naming our son after her father.
I remember my mother, seeing her face age, seeing her reaction to her half-breed grandchildren and watching her play with them. Seeing how cancer had taken its toll on her physical self but never once weakening her spiritual resolve.
I remembered the financial crisis. How I was layed off from the courthouses. How angry and bitter I was at the system, the system which I had worked so hard to serve. How that anger turned into desperation when we didn’t have enough money to put food on the table. How I went through my old evidence lockers and took out the gun.
I remembered my treatment in Serenity Centre and how Arun gradually took the straps off me. I remembered how I began acting as a peer counselor for the other patients and how I well I got along with the other staff.
And every other single detail leading up to this day.
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And I opened my eyes
And I was standing on a stage. In front of a large crowd.
The loudspeaker crackled to life.
‘Ladies and Gentlemen, introducing the Prime Minister of Malaysia’
And the crowd gave a standing ovation.
I looked around. Everyone was looking at me.
A smartly dressed young man came up to me
‘Come on Mr. Prime Minister, they are waiting for you’
Me? Prime Minister? I considered the following:
I was an ex-mental patient and I did not come from a powerful political dynasty.
I wonder why the people would vote for a Prime Minister who was a former nutjob… I know I wouldn’t. Oh well, I guess the people’s preferences change with time. Goes to show that you don’t need to be a rocket scientist to be Prime Minister.
If I could only remember the issues that I was pushing for….
Questions began pouring into my mind once again.
‘Mr. Prime Minister, are you alright?’
I turned to my right to see Liz smiling, flashing her dimple as always. My Liz, my loyal Liz. She looked slightly older though.
‘Of course, but I need to do one thing first’
I kissed her
And the memories came back
And I remembered the policies I was fighting for.
Cool. I think I might enjoy being Prime Minister.
I stepped up to the podium and began my address
‘My fellow Malaysians…’
A camera flashed in my face
And I blinked.
posted by Sam Harith @ 2:59 AM
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